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I Don’t Know

April 28, 2009

Self-Marketing 2.0

Saying “I don’t know” can be one of the smartest, empowering, and most liberating things you can say during a pivotal point in any meeting. As I feel I have enough meetings (lifetime) under my belt to begin to comment on what works and what doesn’t – nothing glaringly stands out like the power of “I don’t know”

I use this phrase quite often in my office, as Andrew can vouch for, as I am a newcomer to the venture capital world – but this is not quite the context I mean for this phrase.

I have seen people stumble through a bad answer or try to piece together a coherent thought when the clear answer to a question should be “I don’t know”.

Others have extrapolated on this thinking before, and I am certainly not the first to claim it is a smart thing to say, but word hasn’t spread fast enough.

Sometimes the best questions have no right answer and are a test of how you will answer them. To say you “dont know” something makes people feel weak and helpless, but I believe the opposite is true. I believe it is harder to say “I dont know” as it takes a tough person to admit that.

Once you have stated you don’t clearly know something, you can go down hypothetical paths, show competency in strategic thinking, and thought leadership in your area. This can be much more telling than a concrete answer with only one outcome.

Disclaimer: this is clearly not a good approach to every question and can only be sparingly used as if it happens too often, that is equally as telling.

This post does not come out of a specific meeting or person but rather my experiences in meetings over the last 5 years, and directly brainstormed over the past few weeks.

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  • http://www.timjahn.com/blog Tim Jahn

    I think you're right. Many people scramble to think of some meaningless answer instead of just saying they don't know. As you said, it's not appropriate for every question but it definitely shows a sign of confidence. You may not know but you'll sure as hell figure it out!

  • http://www.timjahn.com/blog Tim Jahn

    I think you're right. Many people scramble to think of some meaningless answer instead of just saying they don't know. As you said, it's not appropriate for every question but it definitely shows a sign of confidence. You may not know but you'll sure as hell figure it out!

  • http://www.timjahn.com/blog Tim Jahn

    I think you're right. Many people scramble to think of some meaningless answer instead of just saying they don't know. As you said, it's not appropriate for every question but it definitely shows a sign of confidence. You may not know but you'll sure as hell figure it out!

  • http://www.timjahn.com/blog Tim Jahn

    I think you're right. Many people scramble to think of some meaningless answer instead of just saying they don't know. As you said, it's not appropriate for every question but it definitely shows a sign of confidence. You may not know but you'll sure as hell figure it out!

  • http://thefuturebuzz.com Adam Singer

    I like this thought, and agree – many people try to fake answers when honesty is the best policy. This is especially true in cases where more thinking/research may be required. Embracing this philosophy shows strength and maturity.

  • http://thefuturebuzz.com Adam Singer

    I like this thought, and agree – many people try to fake answers when honesty is the best policy. This is especially true in cases where more thinking/research may be required. Embracing this philosophy shows strength and maturity.

  • http://thefuturebuzz.com Adam Singer

    I like this thought, and agree – many people try to fake answers when honesty is the best policy. This is especially true in cases where more thinking/research may be required. Embracing this philosophy shows strength and maturity.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Exactly. Answering later is also a great way and reason to follow up with something meaningful.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Exactly. Answering later is also a great way and reason to follow up with something meaningful.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Exactly. Answering later is also a great way and reason to follow up with something meaningful.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Exactly. Answering later is also a great way and reason to follow up with something meaningful.

  • http://www.iangilyeat.com EH

    Answering “I don't know” can actually be a relief. As you suggested many people try to scramble to make up or guess an answer to the question being asked, it usually makes the person trying to answer nervous and clouds the mind. However, if you answer truthfully, that you don't know, then it almost takes the burden off of you and allows your mind to think clearer and, as you said, hypothesize about possible answers.
    From experience, if I am put on the spot and don't know the answer I will do all in my power to find the answer as quickly as possible so I can return that information to the one inquiring it of me.

  • http://www.iangilyeat.com EH

    Answering “I don't know” can actually be a relief. As you suggested many people try to scramble to make up or guess an answer to the question being asked, it usually makes the person trying to answer nervous and clouds the mind. However, if you answer truthfully, that you don't know, then it almost takes the burden off of you and allows your mind to think clearer and, as you said, hypothesize about possible answers.
    From experience, if I am put on the spot and don't know the answer I will do all in my power to find the answer as quickly as possible so I can return that information to the one inquiring it of me.

  • http://www.iangilyeat.com EH

    Answering “I don't know” can actually be a relief. As you suggested many people try to scramble to make up or guess an answer to the question being asked, it usually makes the person trying to answer nervous and clouds the mind. However, if you answer truthfully, that you don't know, then it almost takes the burden off of you and allows your mind to think clearer and, as you said, hypothesize about possible answers.
    From experience, if I am put on the spot and don't know the answer I will do all in my power to find the answer as quickly as possible so I can return that information to the one inquiring it of me.

  • http://www.iangilyeat.com EH

    Answering “I don't know” can actually be a relief. As you suggested many people try to scramble to make up or guess an answer to the question being asked, it usually makes the person trying to answer nervous and clouds the mind. However, if you answer truthfully, that you don't know, then it almost takes the burden off of you and allows your mind to think clearer and, as you said, hypothesize about possible answers.
    From experience, if I am put on the spot and don't know the answer I will do all in my power to find the answer as quickly as possible so I can return that information to the one inquiring it of me.

  • http://intelligentmetrix.wordpress.com Michele Goetz

    I like this answer. It allows you to then brainstorm ways to figure things out with management, your team, or your client. Sometimes showing how you think is better than having all the answers.

    To your point on following up, this is spot on. Has helped a number of times to keep the conversation going.

  • http://intelligentmetrix.wordpress.com Michele Goetz

    I like this answer. It allows you to then brainstorm ways to figure things out with management, your team, or your client. Sometimes showing how you think is better than having all the answers.

    To your point on following up, this is spot on. Has helped a number of times to keep the conversation going.

  • http://intelligentmetrix.wordpress.com Michele Goetz

    I like this answer. It allows you to then brainstorm ways to figure things out with management, your team, or your client. Sometimes showing how you think is better than having all the answers.

    To your point on following up, this is spot on. Has helped a number of times to keep the conversation going.

  • http://intelligentmetrix.wordpress.com Michele Goetz

    I like this answer. It allows you to then brainstorm ways to figure things out with management, your team, or your client. Sometimes showing how you think is better than having all the answers.

    To your point on following up, this is spot on. Has helped a number of times to keep the conversation going.

  • Diane_C

    Eric, you are so right. And the phrase “I don't know” is not only useful in meetings. I have used it my whole life, and it has gotten me many answers! Never be ashamed of not knowing something–unless you say it before even thinking of an answer!

  • Diane_C

    Eric, you are so right. And the phrase “I don't know” is not only useful in meetings. I have used it my whole life, and it has gotten me many answers! Never be ashamed of not knowing something–unless you say it before even thinking of an answer!

  • Diane_C

    Eric, you are so right. And the phrase “I don't know” is not only useful in meetings. I have used it my whole life, and it has gotten me many answers! Never be ashamed of not knowing something–unless you say it before even thinking of an answer!

  • Diane_C

    Eric, you are so right. And the phrase “I don't know” is not only useful in meetings. I have used it my whole life, and it has gotten me many answers! Never be ashamed of not knowing something–unless you say it before even thinking of an answer!

  • http://www.timjahn.com/blog Tim Jahn

    I think you're right. Many people scramble to think of some meaningless answer instead of just saying they don't know. As you said, it's not appropriate for every question but it definitely shows a sign of confidence. You may not know but you'll sure as hell figure it out!

  • http://thefuturebuzz.com Adam Singer

    I like this thought, and agree – many people try to fake answers when honesty is the best policy. This is especially true in cases where more thinking/research may be required. Embracing this philosophy shows strength and maturity.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Exactly. Answering later is also a great way and reason to follow up with something meaningful.

  • http://www.iangilyeat.com EH

    Answering “I don't know” can actually be a relief. As you suggested many people try to scramble to make up or guess an answer to the question being asked, it usually makes the person trying to answer nervous and clouds the mind. However, if you answer truthfully, that you don't know, then it almost takes the burden off of you and allows your mind to think clearer and, as you said, hypothesize about possible answers.
    From experience, if I am put on the spot and don't know the answer I will do all in my power to find the answer as quickly as possible so I can return that information to the one inquiring it of me.

  • http://intelligentmetrix.wordpress.com Michele Goetz

    I like this answer. It allows you to then brainstorm ways to figure things out with management, your team, or your client. Sometimes showing how you think is better than having all the answers.

    To your point on following up, this is spot on. Has helped a number of times to keep the conversation going.

  • Diane_C

    Eric, you are so right. And the phrase “I don't know” is not only useful in meetings. I have used it my whole life, and it has gotten me many answers! Never be ashamed of not knowing something–unless you say it before even thinking of an answer!

  • http://thelostjacket.com Stuartfoster

    I'll raise you an “I'll get back to you on that.” Pretty much the perfect thing to do, especially if it is a complex question that requires deeper thinking. I'd rather say nothing then say the wrong thing…at least in person. SM is another story…

  • http://thelostjacket.com Stuartfoster

    I'll raise you an “I'll get back to you on that.” Pretty much the perfect thing to do, especially if it is a complex question that requires deeper thinking. I'd rather say nothing then say the wrong thing…at least in person. SM is another story…

  • http://thelostjacket.com Stuartfoster

    I'll raise you an “I'll get back to you on that.” Pretty much the perfect thing to do, especially if it is a complex question that requires deeper thinking. I'd rather say nothing then say the wrong thing…at least in person. SM is another story…

  • http://thelostjacket.com Stuartfoster

    I'll raise you an “I'll get back to you on that.” Pretty much the perfect thing to do, especially if it is a complex question that requires deeper thinking. I'd rather say nothing then say the wrong thing…at least in person. SM is another story…

  • http://thelostjacket.com Stuartfoster

    I'll raise you an “I'll get back to you on that.” Pretty much the perfect thing to do, especially if it is a complex question that requires deeper thinking. I'd rather say nothing then say the wrong thing…at least in person. SM is another story…

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Honesty is always the best policy – I cannot think of a good time to fake your way through an answer.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Honesty is always the best policy – I cannot think of a good time to fake your way through an answer.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Honesty is always the best policy – I cannot think of a good time to fake your way through an answer.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    It is a huge relief and should be used to bridge your way to a topic that you know more about.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    It is a huge relief and should be used to bridge your way to a topic that you know more about.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    It is a huge relief and should be used to bridge your way to a topic that you know more about.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Never be afraid to ask questions – other people will usually have the same ones.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Never be afraid to ask questions – other people will usually have the same ones.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Never be afraid to ask questions – other people will usually have the same ones.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    I think bridging to a follow up works well – “I dont know, but I would be happy to find out exactly what you are looking for” always works. It is never good to say the wrong thing, and know you are saying the wrong thing – but mistakes do happen.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    I think bridging to a follow up works well – “I dont know, but I would be happy to find out exactly what you are looking for” always works. It is never good to say the wrong thing, and know you are saying the wrong thing – but mistakes do happen.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    I think bridging to a follow up works well – “I dont know, but I would be happy to find out exactly what you are looking for” always works. It is never good to say the wrong thing, and know you are saying the wrong thing – but mistakes do happen.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Honesty is always the best policy – I cannot think of a good time to fake your way through an answer.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    It is a huge relief and should be used to bridge your way to a topic that you know more about.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Never be afraid to ask questions – other people will usually have the same ones.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    I think bridging to a follow up works well – “I dont know, but I would be happy to find out exactly what you are looking for” always works. It is never good to say the wrong thing, and know you are saying the wrong thing – but mistakes do happen.

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Eric, I found you through an entry in Grace Boyle's blog where she acknowledges the wisdom in the points you make here. As I commented on her blog, I agree that “Saying 'I don’t know' can be one of the smartest, empowering, and most liberating things you can say,” in meetings, but also elsewhere in life. Pretending to know something we don't can result in a load of trouble, and if we admit to not knowing, we may just be recognized for our honesty. A great post!

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Eric, I found you through an entry in Grace Boyle's blog where she acknowledges the wisdom in the points you make here. As I commented on her blog, I agree that “Saying 'I don’t know' can be one of the smartest, empowering, and most liberating things you can say,” in meetings, but also elsewhere in life. Pretending to know something we don't can result in a load of trouble, and if we admit to not knowing, we may just be recognized for our honesty. A great post!

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Eric, I found you through an entry in Grace Boyle's blog where she acknowledges the wisdom in the points you make here. As I commented on her blog, I agree that “Saying 'I don’t know' can be one of the smartest, empowering, and most liberating things you can say,” in meetings, but also elsewhere in life. Pretending to know something we don't can result in a load of trouble, and if we admit to not knowing, we may just be recognized for our honesty. A great post!

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Thanks for stopping by, Grace did a nice writeup, and thanks for your support. I think it takes a big person to admit they do not know something.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Thanks for stopping by, Grace did a nice writeup, and thanks for your support. I think it takes a big person to admit they do not know something.

  • http://www.marketing.fm EricFriedman

    Thanks for stopping by, Grace did a nice writeup, and thanks for your support. I think it takes a big person to admit they do not know something.

  • http://www.riazkanani.com Riaz Kanani

    Couldn't agree with you more – the smartest people know when to say they don't know something ;)

  • http://www.riazkanani.com Riaz Kanani

    Couldn't agree with you more – the smartest people know when to say they don't know something ;)

  • http://www.riazkanani.com Riaz Kanani

    Couldn't agree with you more – the smartest people know when to say they don't know something ;)

  • http://www.vistasad.com atul chatterjee

    Eric there is a worse situation that we routinely encounter in India.
    A person does not say 'I don't know'. Instead you are misguided completely.
    I quite sure something similar happens from person to person in the US. This is usually a person specific trait.

  • http://www.vistasad.com atul chatterjee

    Eric there is a worse situation that we routinely encounter in India.
    A person does not say 'I don't know'. Instead you are misguided completely.
    I quite sure something similar happens from person to person in the US. This is usually a person specific trait.

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